Saturday, March 20, 2010

Dating Optimism

I've read a few dating books, and even more self-help optimistic books (about the power of attraction, etc).
This book, however, has been my favorite so far: Meeting your Half-Orange: an utterly upbeat guide to using Dating Optimism to find your perfect match,
by Amy Spencer.

The great thing about this book is she encourages you to seek out your dreams--but not in a mate so much as in a RELATIONSHIP.
In other words, don't concentrate on how someone looks or what they do, or even traits your appreciate.
Instead, focus on finding the kind of relationship that will make you feel at ease.
The kind of relationship in which you're doing things together that feel perfect for you (is it reading in bed? Laughing in the line at the DMV? Cooking together? You choose).

Find someone who really appreciates all your individual quirks.
You shouldn't have to quash your laugh, or stop eating popcorn, or whatever it is someone once might have ridiculed you about.
That just means that person wasn't the right match for you.
Find someone who loves you as you are
"I learned that it's not only okay to be imperfect, it's FUN to be imperfect. Accept it and celebrate it!"
(page 185)

This is eye-opening:
"Sometimes it takes looking at things from a new angle, which is what Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D, taught as a Harvard professor in his Positive Psychology lectures. In one lecture, he showed students a picture of geometric shapes and asked them to count how many shapes there were.
Then, after joking that he doesn't actually know the answer, he asks them what time it was on the clock in the picture.
Gee, well they weren't looking for the time. 'I focused you on something entirely different', Ben-Shahar said to his students, 'another part of reality.'
The fact is, there are different ways to look at your life.
Lately, you may be focusing on the hole of what you don't have in your life: a romantic partner.
But that's all you've seen: the LACK of it--the glass half empty.
But there is another part of reality in your very same story, and that's what is IN that half-glass.
Happiness is relative.
There must be some things in your life you're grateful for, thankful for, and thrilled about, whether it be in work, in friendships, in your free time, your hobbies, or your health.
Focusing on those things will help you feel positive about your life again, which will create positive energy in your body, which will, once again, attract positive things."

(page 109)

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